I was scrolling the gram when I came across this post and it got me thinking 🤔

From the moment we make it to this planet we are indoctrinated to be kind to others, to influence those around us, and to constantly seek approval from external sources, we often forget that the most important relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves.

In Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” which has helped millions build better relationships and foster success in life I think he forgot the most important principle and it was to foster first all of the principles in ourselves.

But what if we applied these same principles inward? What if the first friend we set out to win was ourselves? The truth is, the quality of our life isn’t just about how we interact with others—it begins with how we treat ourselves.

I’m going to explore how to win the friend in yourself and myself so we can influence our lives for the better by using some of the timeless principles from Carnegie’s book. Let’s transform self-compassion and inner harmony into powerful tools for a life of happiness and balance.

1. Become Genuinely Interested in Yourself

One of Carnegie’s key teachings is to show genuine interest in others. But how often do we stop to show that same level of interest in ourselves? Many of us spend so much time looking outward that we lose touch with who we really are. To win the friendship within, start by becoming curious about yourself.

Action Step:

• Take time for self-reflection: Start a daily journaling practice where you write down your thoughts, feelings, and goals. Ask yourself questions like “What am I passionate about?” or “What do I truly want out of life?” This isn’t just about introspection but about understanding your deepest desires and needs.

• Discover your strengths and weaknesses: Just as we try to understand and empathize with others, we must extend that understanding to ourselves. What are you good at? Where do you struggle? Learning these things allows you to navigate life with greater awareness and compassion for yourself.

2. Smile at Yourself First

A smile is one of the most powerful tools in building rapport with others. It conveys warmth, openness, and acceptance. Yet, how often do we smile at ourselves? Learning to smile at yourself, both literally and metaphorically, is a powerful step in building self-love.

Action Step:

• Practice self-appreciation: Start your day by looking in the mirror and smiling at yourself. This small act can set the tone for the day. Smile at the person you are becoming, the one striving for growth.

• Speak kindly to yourself: Just as you’d offer words of encouragement to a friend, replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Say things like “I’m proud of how far I’ve come” or “I believe in my ability to handle challenges.”

3. Listen More to Your Inner Voice

Carnegie stresses the importance of listening to others as a way of showing respect and building trust. However, many of us are quick to ignore our inner voice—the one that quietly guides us toward our true desires. Winning the friendship within means actively listening to what your heart is telling you.

Action Step:

• Practice mindfulness and meditation: Take time daily to sit in silence, listen to your thoughts, and observe your emotions without judgment. This practice can help you become more in tune with your inner voice.

• Honor your needs and desires: When you notice a recurring thought or feeling, don’t dismiss it. Whether it’s the need for more rest, creativity, or connection, validate your emotions and act on them.

4. Avoid Criticism and Condemnation of Yourself

Carnegie teaches that the quickest way to lose a friend is through criticism and judgment. The same holds true for your relationship with yourself. If you are constantly criticizing your actions, looks, or abilities, you’re driving a wedge between you and your best self.

Action Step:

• Replace self-criticism with compassion: Every time you catch yourself being overly critical, pause and reframe your thoughts. Instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I’m learning and growing every day.”

• Forgive yourself: Holding onto past mistakes and regrets only harms your relationship with yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and forgiveness you’d extend to a close friend.

5. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation to Yourself

Carnegie emphasizes the power of honest appreciation in building relationships. But have you ever thought about how often you appreciate yourself? Most of us focus on what we haven’t done, rather than what we’ve accomplished. To win the friend in yourself, you need to regularly acknowledge and celebrate your achievements.

Action Step:

• Create a gratitude list: Every week, write down five things you appreciate about yourself. It could be as simple as sticking to your exercise routine or as significant as finishing a challenging project.

• Celebrate small wins: Don’t wait for a big success to pat yourself on the back. Whether it’s getting through a tough day or making a positive change, recognize the effort you put in and celebrate the progress.

6. Influence Your Own Life Through Positive Intentions

The principles of influencing others rely on empathy, understanding, and creating win-win situations. To influence your life positively, approach your personal growth with the same mindset. Set clear intentions for yourself, and align your actions with those intentions.

Action Step:

• Set daily intentions: Each morning, decide how you want to feel and what you want to focus on for the day. Whether it’s “I will stay calm in stressful situations” or “I will prioritize my health,” setting intentions can help you steer your life in the direction you want to go.

• Develop a routine that supports balance: Identify key areas of your life—such as mental health, relationships, physical health, and career—and set goals that reflect balance. This might mean creating a work-life routine, practicing yoga, or spending time with loved ones.

7. Design Your Life to Afford Happiness and Balance

Winning the friend in yourself and influencing your life positively comes down to designing a life that promotes happiness and balance. We are often conditioned to chase external achievements, but the real key to fulfillment is crafting a life that aligns with our values, passions, and desires.

Action Step:

• Visualize your ideal life: Take time to imagine what a balanced and fulfilling life looks like for you. Is it filled with creativity? Connection? Health? Whatever it may be, design your days around those values.

• Prioritize self-care: Self-care isn’t just about relaxation; it’s about ensuring that your mental, emotional, and physical needs are met. Make time for activities that nourish you—whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply resting.

The first friend we should win is the one inside us. By applying the timeless principles from “How to Win Friends and Influence People” to ourselves, we can foster a strong relationship with who we are, influencing our lives in the most profound and positive ways.

Treat yourself with the kindness, respect, and appreciation you deserve.

Treat yourself with the kindness, respect, and appreciation you deserve. When you learn to be your own best friend, you’ll find that influencing your life for the better comes naturally—and with it, a deeper sense of happiness and balance.

Take a moment today to extend your hand in friendship to yourself and begin designing a life where you are your greatest ally. if you want to know what constitutes a good friend, read this blogpost . The journey toward winning yourself over is not only rewarding but life-changing.