Stop Dropping the F Word
Not Everybody is Your Friend
You and I live in a world where the lines between friend, coworker, follower, and acquaintance have become increasingly blurred. The rise of social media has given us an unprecedented ability to connect with people near and far, but it’s also left many of us feeling more isolated than ever before. It’s easy to mistake an online interaction, a friendly comment, or a shared interest for friendship. But not everyone who smiles at us, follows us, or shares our taste in music is truly deserving of the title “friend.”
In a time when authentic human connection feels like a rare commodity, it’s worth asking: What does it really mean to be a friend? And how can we build the kind of friendships—and communities—that truly enrich our lives? Let me try to answer these questions, we’ll explore not only the art of friendship, but also draw on some powerful principles from Robin Sharma’s book The Wealth Money Can’t Buy(I’m currently re reading and has been added to my all time favorite books), which speaks to the wealth of relationships and community—a wealth far more valuable than financial riches.
I have stopped dropping the F word so casually and I have started to rethink what it means to foster deep, intentional connections that can transform our lives.
“I have been lonely”. 😞
Loneliness: The Cost of Superficial Connections
Despite our digital lives buzzing with likes, comments, and endless notifications, loneliness has reached epidemic proportions. In fact, 60% of adults report feeling lonely regularly(raising my hand 🤚), with many experiencing deep feelings of isolation. We may be “connected,” but how many of those connections are real? How many people would be there for you if you needed them at 2 a.m.?
The truth is, much of what we consider friendship today is transactional. We exchange digital high-fives, quick pleasantries, and surface-level validation, but true friendship requires much more. In The Wealth Money Can’t Buy, Robin Sharma emphasizes that wealth is not just material—it’s the relationships, connections, and communities we cultivate. And yet, we find ourselves surrounded by people but lacking the depth that makes us feel truly seen and understood.
This brings me to an essential question:
What is a Friend, Really?
A real friend is more than a familiar face or a shared interest. A true friend is someone who walks beside you through the ups and downs, someone who genuinely cares about your well-being and isn’t afraid to challenge you to grow. It’s not about quantity—it’s about quality. As Sharma highlights in his book, building a community and wealth through relationships is a slow process that requires commitment, trust, and vulnerability.
In my younger years, friendships were formed effortlessly. You met someone at school or at the local park, and suddenly you were best friends for life. But as we grow older, friendships become more intentional. They need nurturing, and not everyone we encounter is worthy of that investment.
This is where the principles from The Wealth Money Can’t Buy come into play. A strong friendship, like a strong community, is built on:
• Trust: A friend is someone who honors your trust and can be relied upon, even when life gets messy.
• Mutual Support: In a true friendship, both people give and receive. It’s not one-sided, and there’s no keeping score.
• Shared Values: While you don’t have to agree on everything, deep friendships often form when you and another person share similar life values, whether those values are around honesty, compassion, or personal growth.
So, before you call someone a friend, ask yourself: Have they earned that title? Are they someone you can trust with your heart, your dreams, and your struggles?
How to Make (and Be) a Friend
Forming meaningful friendships as an adult can feel intimidating, especially in a world that prizes speed and efficiency over depth. But it’s not impossible. Drawing on the principles from The Wealth Money Can’t Buy, let’s explore how to cultivate the kind of friendships that enrich your life:
1. Be Vulnerable: True connections are built when we allow ourselves to be seen. That means letting your guard down and sharing more than just the highlight reel of your life. Vulnerability is scary, but it’s also the foundation of trust.
2. Listen Deeply: In a world full of distractions, giving someone your full attention is a powerful way to show you care. True friendship is about listening—not just waiting for your turn to speak. When you genuinely listen, you create a space where people feel valued and understood.
3. Consistent Effort: Just like building wealth requires time and consistency, so do friendships. Reach out regularly, follow through on plans, and show up, even when it’s inconvenient. Friendships don’t flourish overnight; they grow through steady, small acts of care.
4. Give More Than You Take: A principle emphasized in The Wealth Money Can’t Buy is that in relationships, you should aim to give more than you take. Offer support, encouragement, and kindness without expecting anything in return. The more you give to your relationships, the more they will enrich your life.
5. Foster Community, Not Just Friendships: Don’t just focus on one-on-one friendships. Building a sense of community—a network of people who support each other—can be even more powerful. As Sharma highlights, communities are the greatest form of wealth, providing a safety net of love, belonging, and support that no amount of money can buy.
Where to Find True Friends
Finding genuine friendships in a world full of surface-level interactions can feel daunting, but the principles from The Wealth Money Can’t Buy remind us that it’s often the simple things that lead to the most profound connections. Here are a few places where you might find the people who become true friends:
• Shared Interest Groups: Whether it’s a local hobby group, a fitness class, or a volunteer organization, connecting over shared passions is a great way to meet like-minded people who are open to building deeper connections.
• Communities with Depth: While social media might seem shallow, there are online spaces where real, meaningful conversations happen. Look for groups or forums where people support each other, share ideas, and encourage vulnerability.
• Rekindling Old Friendships: Sometimes, the best friendships are the ones we’ve let slip away. Reconnecting with someone from your past, especially if there was already trust and mutual respect, can be a great way to reignite a meaningful relationship.
• Creating Community: Instead of waiting to find the perfect friend, consider creating your own community. Host gatherings, organize events, or invite people to share their experiences in a way that encourages openness and connection.
Why Friendship and Community Matter (And Why Your First Friend Should Be You)
At the heart of everything is this: We are social creatures, and we thrive on deep, meaningful connections. Studies show that people with strong friendships and communities live longer, happier, and healthier lives. But beyond that, The Wealth Money Can’t Buy reminds us that the greatest wealth isn’t found in material possessions; it’s found in relationships. It’s in the bonds we build with others and the community we surround ourselves with.
But before you can truly connect with others, you must first connect with yourself. As cliché as it may sound, your first friend should be you. If you don’t treat yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion, you won’t know how to recognize those qualities in others. Build a strong inner friendship by learning to support your own emotional needs, to forgive yourself when things go wrong, and to celebrate your successes. If you want to become your own friend first, read this blogpost.
Once you’ve built that foundation of self-friendship, you’ll find it easier to recognize who deserves a place in your life—and who doesn’t. You’ll understand what kind of friend you want to be and what kind of friends you want to attract.
Reserve the Word “Friend” for Those Who Deserve It
In a world where “friend” is often used too lightly, let’s bring back the weight and meaning of the word. Friendship, like wealth, is something to be nurtured, respected, and treasured. Not everyone you meet deserves to be called a friend, and that’s okay. By reserving that title for those who’ve earned it, you create space for deeper, more meaningful relationships that truly enrich your life.
So, the next time you’re tempted to call someone a friend, take a moment to reflect. Have they proven themselves to be someone you can trust, someone who invests in you as much as you invest in them? If the answer is yes, then you’re on your way to building a friendship—and a kind of wealth—that money can’t buy.
References:
• Cigna Study on Loneliness in America
• Harvard Study on Adult Development
• The Wealth Money Can’t Buy by Robin Sharma
True friendships, like true wealth, aren’t built overnight. They require time, effort, and intentionality. But the rewards are immeasurable. By being more mindful of who we let into our lives and by focusing on building real connections, we can create friendships—and communities—that stand the test of time.